"You're SO lucky!"

I am...

I have an incredible husband, a loving family, the coolest dog ever and a healthy baby boy...But it seems the wound of having Cam early, and the small ordeal we went through afterward, is still a little sore.

I never had a huge belly. Sure, I got fat. (What's up Hostess! Bet you miss my business!) But, I never had that basketball-shoved-under-my-shirt look. And I never endured that last month of apparent misery when everything is just plain uncomfortable. Thus, I try to have sympathy for my friends and other pregnant gals who are walking around with a bowling ball in their uterus. It looks uncomfy. I feel for you, I really do.

But...

When another mom in the store asks how old Cam is and I reply, then explain his kinda small size, I still get angry when they respond with, "You're SO lucky! Mine was a week late. I would have much rather had him early!" 

Really? Would you have?

Because that c-section I had sure was fun. And not being able to hold my baby for 3 days was awesome. And hearing a doctor tell me that my 4 pound son was on a ventilator at 4 in the morning sure was a good time. Man, I was really lucky that I got to spend 15 days driving back and forth to the hospital to visit my baby. I really loved leaving him there every night. And you have no idea how much fun it was trying to teach my kid to breastfeed. And then failing. By the way, you know what else was fun? Feeding my baby through a tube in his nose. Wait..and then my husband had so much stress from the situation that he had heart problems. That. Was. So. Lucky.

Oh, wait. No it wasn't.

Would I trade our birth experience? Not for the world. I would endure the pain I had to over and over again for Cam, but it still kills me to think about what he went through. It hurt. And newborn babies aren't supposed to hurt.

I feel incredibly blessed that Cam is doing so well now. I'm honored that I got to spend so many special days in the NICU with my Mom and Mom-in-law. And I'm appreciative of how much stronger it make Luke & I.

I just wish some people knew how dumb it sounds to say prematurity is lucky. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel sorry for myself, but NICU mommies need a badge or something so we can identify each other. Because it is so, so comforting when somebody in the store replies with, "How long was your stay?" Because they've been there, too.